When the Enemy Strikes After Victory
Spiritual Warfare, Anxiety, and Trusting God to Fight for Me
I want to share something deeply personal as I battle the tension and pain of spiritual warfare.
Just a week ago, I walked out of the most powerful, intimate, and life-changing fast I’ve ever experienced. Twenty-one days of seeking Jesus with everything in me, hearing His voice so clearly, and stepping into a victory I had never known before. I felt transformed—free, anchored, steady. I celebrated that victory with full confidence that I had been changed forever.
And yet, in what feels like mere moments later, the enemy came for me in full force. Anxiety—something I thought I had left behind—came raging back. And it didn’t just whisper, it roared.
The past few days have been heavy, dark, and defeating. I have not wanted to get out of bed. I have not wanted to put on a smile and show up at work. I have not wanted to interact with other humans, let alone be a leader. This week has been HARD.
I have closed my office door more times than I can count, put up the sign that says “IN A MEETING,” and simply sat at my desk with my Bible open, weeping. Completely broken. How can I lead? How can I pour into a building full of adults and children who look to me for guidance when I feel like I am breaking down?
This is what spiritual warfare feels like. It is not poetic. It is not inspirational in the moment. It is agony. It is grief. It is an invisible weight pressing down so hard that you wonder if you will ever stand tall again.
But even in this, I know the enemy would not come after me like this unless I was a threat to him. He saw what God did in me, the freedom I stepped into, and he is trying to steal it.
But here’s what I know: he does not win.
The lies of the enemy are just that—LIES. He wants me to believe I am failing. He wants me to believe I am too weak to lead, too broken to keep going, too lost to be found again.
But praise God for His Word. Praise God for the community surrounding me, holding me up when I feel like I cannot stand.
I am too weak to fight this battle alone. But my strength was never meant to come from me—it comes from the One who has already declared victory over this war. My job is to stand firm and let God fight for me (Exodus 14:14).
So, if you find yourself in a similar battle—if you have celebrated a victory only to feel like you're losing again—do notgive up. The attack means something. The enemy only fights what he fears.
I don't have a pretty bow to wrap this up. I am still in the fight. But I know who holds me. I know who defends me. And I know that my deliverance will come.
So today, if all you can do is cry out to Jesus—do it. If you need to reach out to your people—do it. If you need to admit that you’re not okay—do it.
God is still here. He is still moving. And He will finish what He started (Philippians 1:6).
With love and in faith,
Amber
Scriptures Referenced (NIV):
Exodus 14:14 – “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Philippians 1:6 – “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”